Gretchen Rubin and The Four Tendencies

by Jessica Sliman in


Have you read any of Gretchen Rubin's books? Full disclosure...I haven't read them even though I've checked them out from the library multiple times. Yet this morning (since I had a lot of time in the car!) I listened to a Lively Show podcast where she was interviewed and I was immediately intrigued.

Gretchen was on the show talking habits and human nature. She described four groups of people - obligers, upholders, rebels, and questioners. The idea behind the categories is that people respond to expectations in different ways. There are two different types of expectations - inner and outer expectations. Inner expectations might be something like "I'm going to wake up run every morning at 6 am" while an outer expectation but be "I'm going to meet a running group every morning at 6am."

Obligers tend to struggle with inner expectations but follow through with external expectations. Upholders tend to follow through with both their internal and external expectations. Questioners do a lot of soul searching to figure out what matters and therefore respond well to inner expectations but resist external expectations. And rebels tend to resist both outer and inner expectations. There is a quiz on her website that can help you figure out which category you fall into if you're not sure. And although she gives you a small write up on the type that you most associate with, you can get extended report by signing up for her newsletter.

I was interested at the ease at which I dropped myself into the obliger circle (I confirmed this by taking the quiz later on in the day). It struck me that this was perhaps why I loved yoga teacher training so much. I'm so productive and responsible when I'm required to do something with external expectations. I also liked her "it depends" approach to answering many of the interview questions. I appreciate the recognition that everyone and every situation is a little different and so the answer can't be determined until some questions are answered.

I put two of her books on hold at the library. I'm curious what the recommendations are for obligers specifically. Although I'm fairly adept at setting mini-expectations for myself and following through, they never truly become habits for me. I've always thought this was something I needed to change about myself. Her responses made me think that she encourages people to work within the framework of the category by setting up tools to help people be sucessful.

Did you take the quiz? Were you able to group yourself right away too? Any thoughts on her books or her categories?


A Playlist for June

by Jessica Sliman in


One of the ways I've been trying to slow down and reconnect to the moment is by listening to music. I've always loved music but it seems like I'm always too busy doing other things to really listen. I made this playlist for June and have been listening to it in the car and during yoga sessions. I feel so uplifted when I really listen. I love and appreciate good lyrics.

I'm open to suggestions if you've got some good mellow summer songs on your mind. 

I've been in the mood for some older stuff lately - Bob Dylan is my all time favorite - but this has a mix of a bunch of stuff. I'm loving the new song Renegades by The X Ambassadors too. And The Civil Wars cover of "Billie Jean" (which I just heard for the first time)....amazing.

Summer has finally arrived here. The girls just finished their last day of school and I'm ready for a few unscheduled weeks before we travel to Ohio and my brother and his family come to visit Southern California.

P.S. I don't know what we're going to do when the NBA finals ends this week (hopefully Friday and not tonight). Between Donovan being from Cleveland and rooting for the Cavs and watching the Blackhawks win the Stanley Cup last night, its been a fun last month. Then again....the Cubs are over 500 for the first time in June since...well, who knows? :) Maybe this is the year.....


Yoga Teacher Training Recap

by Jessica Sliman


Yoga teacher training. I've been trying to think of a way to adequately summarize my experience but it's impossible to put into words the magnitude of the training on my life. I came into this as a sometimes practitioner of yoga classes. I loved the mind/body aspect of yoga but knew nothing about the broader spectrum of philosophy. I had no idea what I was about to get into.

I had taken a handful of classes at Be The Change and while looking at my email one night, I discovered that they were offering a free class before a preview of the teacher training. I called Donovan and asked him to come home a bit early. I went to the class thinking "if nothing else, I'll get a free 45 minutes of yoga. Plus by the time I get home, Donovan will have put the kids to bed. #winning"). (Ummm....I guess I think in hashtags now?)

The class was wonderful (Katie and Allison are kind, thoughtful and encouraging teachers) but it was the program overview that stuck with me when I left the studio.  I related to everything that they were saying. I felt like I was struggling to find my place in the world, struggling to see where I was supposed to be and how I was supposed to feel and what I was supposed to be doing. Their description of yoga and the program felt like an opportunity to find guidance in my life.

So after a lot of debate (mostly internal), a sleepless night, some anxiety about the cost, and some scrambling to figure out who would watch the girls during all my classes - I dove in head first.

I came out the other side changed. Completely in love with yoga as a philosophy and practice, overwhelmed by the community I've found, and grateful for this amazing opportunity.

I've learned so much more than I ever expected. I could probably write a novel about it :) This list won't be comprehensive as I'm doing this off the top of my head. I figured I could look back through my notes but I really wanted to focus on what feels most relevant to me right now in the course of life. 

  1. Hope comes from an understanding that people are capable of change. That's probably my biggest takeaway. From our class notes (okay, I did look back at my notes a bit), "the Yoga Sutras outline a mechanism for positive and sustainable behavior change, starting with self-reflection and prompting people to think critically about their lives."  I thought critically about my life a lot but I tended to stop the process here. I also tended to be more critical than constructive. I would look at what I didn't like and think it was such a shame that I was the way I was.  I felt stagnant and constrained. But there is a second step that is just as important as self reflection. That  is "to create a goal or intention and then to make a deliberate effort to move in that direction."  Of course, this can relate to anything. I can think of so many examples in which the tools of yoga can help you change your life to create habits that are beneficial for yourself.
  2. What I described above? Basically kriya yoga. Kriya yoga is the yoga of conscious action. First you set a new practice aimed at refinement. After starting that practice, you sit back and observe what happened. Asking yourself questions like "how did that work?" The third part is letting go of the results. Realizing that there is something bigger than us and that we're not capable of controlling every aspect of our lives. You use discernment to discover what is in your control and you let go of the outcome. This last part is pretty darn hard and I could see how I could focus a lifetime just on the honing in my ability to let go of the results.
  3. Another good one? Replacement theory. So you don't just quit an old practice or habit cold turkey and expect to live in a state of bliss. Nope. Say you want to quit drinking coffee. First, you move to half caffeinated coffee and then decaf. If that's working for you (after reflection, right?), maybe you move to black tea and finally green tea. You de-link from an old practice and link it to something new. (Yoga Sutra 1:12 talks more about this). 
  4. Your breath has the ability to radically change your physical, mental and emotional bodies. I've always loved the website Zen Habits and on the top of the page is a link to the word BREATH. I understood the power of the breath but now I have solid tools and a lot more practice deepening my breath. It's amazing how making your breath conscious and deep can stretch the muscles between your ribs, lower your heart rate, calm your mind, relieve stress, strengthen your diaphragm, create more room in your lungs, etc. This can be hard. I tried breathing when feeling stressed for years. My advice? Practice breathing when you're not feeling stressed. It's much easier that way and it allows you to tap into your practice when you really need it.
  5. The asana practice or the physical practice of yoga is a small component of the eight limb path. I didn't realize what a small component it was but out of 195 sutras, only three discuss asana. The biggest takeaway I've had regarding my physical practice is the importance of linking movement to breath. Additionally, I've become much more in tune to what feels good in my body. I don't push myself past a point of comfort but find the happy place that balances sthira/stability with sukha/ease.
  6. I'm so much more mindful about everything. Training has left me much more observant about what feels good in my body. I'm not always good at this but I try to ask myself the question "is this going to give me energy or deplete it?" before doing something. Just that simple question might make me choose a smoothie over a handful of crackers for a snack or might encourage me to set my phone down after climbing into bed at night (scrolling through Facebook doesn't give me energy ever....and yet the struggle rages on).
  7. I actually love anatomy! Because I didn't love science while I was in school, I thought that I would hate the anatomy portion of class. So not true. I actually loved knowing what was going on in my body and I plan on spending a lot more time studying it. I'd love to be able to help people who struggle physically with issues like back pain or knee pain find relief through yoga. Anyone is capable of doing yoga - we learned how to teach yoga in chairs, against the wall, and every single pose can be modified to meet the needs of the practitioner no matter their age, flexibility, strength, etc.
  8. Can I talk about the yamas? Kindness, truthfulness, non-stealing, moderation, and non-attachment. Amazing ways to implement small changes in life. These are another blog post entirely.

Mostly though, I've realized that this is just the tip of the iceberg. The philosophy and practice of yoga is something I can take with me for the rest of my life. It gives me a positive place to focus both on and off the mat. I'm so grateful (that's santosha, right there :) ) for the teaching we received from Katie, Allison and Kathy at Be The Change Yoga. I'm thankful for the thoughtful advice our mentors gave us throughout and for the wonderful group of yogis I met during the training. It's true that the people who surround us can also give us energy. What a positive, lovely group of people.

If you have any questions about the training or about yoga, don't hesitate to ask.

Namaste!